Jealous Aphrodite: Love, Lust, & Ego

Now, we can't talk about Goddesses of Sex without talking about Aphrodite herself!

For those unfamiliar with Greek mythology, Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty, sex, and seduction. She is the mother of the eternal cycle of temptation. She’s also, in my opinion, an expression of the ego of a seductress gone wild. She has no conscience or soul.

Let’s go over the myth and what we can take from Aphrodite’s story to live better lives.

According to Greek mythology, Aphrodite was born from the sea as an adult.

Naked in all her glory, she dripped with an innate magnetism and fertility that immediately attracted the attention of gods and men alike. Just as quickly, she caused great conflict among competing male interests.

One of these suitors was Hephaestus, the god of fire, forge, blacksmiths, and artisans. He was obsessively in love with Aphrodite. He was the son of Hera and the King of gods, Zeus. When he was born, his own mother was so repulsed by his ugly looks that she expelled him from her palace.

Hephaestus decided to enact revenge on his mother for rejecting him. To do this, he built a magical throne and got Hera to sit on it. Without realizing it, Hera was stuck and unable to move.

She begged Hephaestus to free her, but he demanded in return that the gods give him a wife of his choosing. He chose Aphrodite, and Zeus granted his wish. He thought it was a good idea since Aphrodite’s intrinsic feminine power disrupted the order of the gods and mankind. She needed to be married. So, he married her off to Hephaestus.

Aphrodite, understandably, was miserable about this deal. She Hephaestus disgusted her.

Nonetheless, Hephaestus tirelessly tried to gain Aphrodite’s affection. He created beautiful jewelry for her in his workshop. His’ wealth and generosity satisfied Aphrodite’s material cravings for a while, but she refused him sexually. Starved for passion, she would not be kept in a gilded martial cage. Whenever Aphrodite had the chance, she was unfaithful to her husband, seducing other gods and even mortals.

Aphrodite’s true love was her husband’s brother Ares, the god of war, violence, male virility, and defender of the weak. He’s the handsome man modern goddesses of sex are irresistibly drawn to. The Joe Dimaggio to Marilyn Monroe, the Julius Ceasar to Cleopatra, the Tommy Lee to Pamela Anderson story.

When Hephaestus discovered that his wife was having an affair with his better-looking brother, he sought revenge. So, he captured Aphrodite and Ares in a net while making love and put them on display before all the gods and goddesses. This event was a traumatic humiliation for Aphrodite. But then she found out that Ares didn’t care about her being publicly shamed; in fact, he knew this was going to happen and didn’t stop it.

After this betrayal, she could never really trust him again.

This myth is an ancient example of slutshaming; there he is shagging the one who loves him in public, showing off his trophy. Modern women with Aphrodite’s archetype experienced this phenomenon - their lovers parade them around, bragging and gossiping about their conquest, violating the sacredness of the encounter. Psychologically, this causes deep internal shame and bars women from opportunities. It makes it hard for them to return to shared social circles, even if they’re not explicitly banned.

Even when a woman hasn’t engaged in sex, men slutshame them as a means of putting them down. Slutshaming is traumatizing for women and disastrously affects Aphrodite.

After this experience, Aphrodite goes rogue. She begins to transform her enemies into beasts. She forces her rivals - both male and female - to fall in love and lust with the worst people for them. Some she makes commit crimes against their own loved ones.

Her passion for Ares is wholly replaced with selfishness. Aphrodite causes wars so she can enrich herself, often at the expense of other women. For example, she started the Trojan War to win a golden apple, a prize for being considered the most beautiful goddess. (Not that she needed it!)

Aphrodite is dominated by her ego. She always tries to make others smaller to feel bigger—her son, her husband, her daughter-in-law, and anyone who doesn’t obey her.

She’s easily threatened, vain, extremely jealous, and can’t control her temper. Interestingly enough, although two gods caused her trauma, her victims are often women.

Why? When Hephaestus trapped Aphrodite in the net, goddesses mocked her just as much as the gods. 

Let’s now look at Aphrodite’s story from a psychological perspective.

She has many gifts - beauty, wealth, superhuman powers - but each has a dark side: vanity, greed, and absolute corruption. 

What does that mean?

They are:

The Little Girl

She’s our inner child filled with emotion, reactivity, fear, insecurity, and innocence. Although essential, she is dangerous when running the show in settings that require adult acumen.

The Ego/Critic

Ego represents our self-confidence, while the critic tears at our self-esteem. They are our voices that construct our personal worth.

The Defender

This is the internal bodyguard that is unafraid of conflict. It is focused, task-oriented, and ready to battle in a reactive or non-reactive way.

The Higher Self

Within each of us is the head of the internal family interfaces and mediates our other aspects. It knows how to navigate life and should be the decision-maker within you.

In the myth we see Aphrodite as a toddler throwing tantrums. She’s self-absorbed, incredibly insecure, and easily threatened by any potential rival. Everything is a personal attack. 

How perplexing it is to be the literal goddess of love, beauty, sex, and seduction and believe you are still not enough?

It is because only with self-actualization can we be free of the dark sides of our four aspects. 

For Aphrodite, this disconnect has a tremendously negative impact on our lives. These aspects are relevant, real, and dangerous. Just imagine our Little Girl controlling a board meeting.

For many people with the Aphrodite archetype, the world tells them to only focus on themselves. Because you are sexually magnetic and charismatic, the world tells you to focus only on you. They become masters of seduction, oblivious to the dangers. They are so obsessed with men or so focused on winning the attention of love interests that you disregard the potential violence and shame.

Like Aphrodite, they rage. For example, many of my clients have been the little girl revealing trauma to an apathetic audience or the defender who cannot subdue their rage.

I would say she is not financially independent (she relies too much on her husband) and hasn’t made good choices. She has a husband she doesn’t love and a lover who betrays her. She has no control over her emotions or self-awareness; she is basically an egomaniac.

Aphrodite’s fixation on bringing other people down and jealousy prevent her from being able to appreciate her multitude of gifts. Or even find female friends!

It’s very dangerous for any woman to live like this - Aphrodite is immortal; we’re not. This mindset destroys ordinary women.

What’s my prescription?

Aphrodite, you should subject yourself to your own torture and criticism. Instead of trying to destroy others, challenge yourself to grow.

1- leave your shitty husband, and dump your uncommitted lover

2- develop yourself rather than obsess over other women who threaten you

3- figure out why you are so jealous of other people

4- seduce selectively and try to build compassionate connections